Another week down, one more to go.

When life gives you lemon, make lemonade!


So yeah, I've been making lemonades since the last week or so. Apparently, I lack sleep for the last week and so too. And my hands are already acidic because of lemon juice.

I have been really busy lately, writing research papers, studying for exams and the such. It has become a habit for me to have nerve-wrecking sessions of typing and reading that sometimes I forget to eat or rest for awhile and even take a bath. lol. A week ago, we were making this short  film that took ages to finish. It is for a university-wide contest called Dokyu-Film Fest 2011. Then we had two research papers for Filipino entitled Privatization: Kalakalan ng ba ang Sagot sa Problema ng Pilipinas? and a Theology research. This week, we were bombarded with presentations, from business plans to thesis defense. Hell to that. Add up a project that cost me my sleep and yet, it almost wasn't accepted. Wrong instructions. I raise my middle fingers to salute my first year in college. I was mindfcked for a year.

Another week down, one more to go!

Happy 400 years, UST!

Wala pa nung myx wala pa nung MTV
Wala pa nung internet
Wala pa nung ipod at mp3
Wala pa nung cable
Wala pa nung cellphone
Wala pa ring cd or dvd
Meron lang UST!


Proud to be a Tomasino at 400. 

Where is happiness?

Mark this day. This is the first day in my pursuit of happiness.

I came to the realization that I can live my life BETTER and HAPPIER without carrying such depressing memory. Being single isn't bad after all. Although I can't deny the fact that there are these awkward moments when everyone's talking about boyfriends and girlfriends, then, I'm left in one corner listening... and listening.

Anyway, I know I did my part. Actually, almost every part and both parts, I did. So no one can blame me for taking another pursuit of happiness, this time, for myself. Especially that I felt I was cheated. Now that's another story.

I saw this Really sweet pre-nup shoot of Kristine Hermosa and Oyo Sotto from spot.ph and boy, it looks soooo good! How I wish I'll have an ending like theirs, fairytale-like--even though I know it's fiction. Fairytales are fiction. The same goes for happily-ever-afters. There is only "The end." Now tell, where the hell does happiness exist?

Ten years and beyond!

Yesterday, I finally saw my childhood bestfriend! That was around 4pm at Starbucks, Vito Cruz. Chime, she has been my bestfriend since grade one. Really steady, eh? We haven't seen each other for two years already and I miss her badly. Anyway, distance isn't an issue to people who matter to each other. We are the living proof! You see, she left me bestfriend-less back in grade two and I haven't heard anything from her until I reached third year in high school through a friend who is her cousin. We decided to see each other but the first meeting wasn't actually what was expected. The next attempt was better, although the feeling of uneasiness was still there. The third time, this time, it was waaaay better. It wasn't actually like those in the movies when they hug each other like there's no forever. Of course there's still a gap between us and we need to make up for the lost time. But it was a pretty good thing that things weren't as awkward as when we first met. Stories were told, how are you and what happened to you were asked. Things turned out natural and so nice. And btw, she introduced me to her another bestfriend, Regina Rafael. Really laid back. Supposedly, I am to be in the same school as theirs, De la Salle University in Taft. That is one of the reasons why I really wanted to study there. But unfortunately, financial problems were too much back then. But anyhow, at least we got to meet again, right?

As a token of super, extra special friendship and sisterhood, I gave her a plain, white, v-neck shirt from Folded and Hung. Really basic and clean.

This friendship will last longer, I know. Ten years down and forever to go!

Falling out of places

When I get really, really disappointed, I cry. I don't know why my natural defense mechanism is like that. A bit weak. I don't curse people though, that's a good thing. I cry and just let it out, all that disappointment. It's always like this, you feel so ecstatic, happy and enthusiastic for a moment then the next thing you know, everything's falling out of their places again. You become so down, irritated and disappointed. There are friends telling you things which apparently are really jokes yet what they say are sometimes annoying and a bit hurting when said over and over again; parents tell you they support you but when you are actually begging for their supposed-to-be support, they'll question you about it, all together asking you to back-out from your endeavor. I'm not this bipolar person as I seem to be. It is really just natural for me to get hurt sometimes, when I feel I'm being bullied or something near that. Or with the case of my parents, I can't get their support for something that really means a lot to me.

I can't get things my way, I know. 

Stepping into high school again

It will never be the same.

Just awhile ago, I went back to my old school to get some requirements. When I was walking on the corridors, I thought I was at home. But no, it was not the same school I called home, it will never be now. High school is over. It is not my home anymore I don't belong there. But somehow, I still wish to be back there. But a part of me tells me to not go back. Memories. Memories haunt me. It was a place that was full of extraordinary memories yet it was also a place that reminds me of things I shouldn't even think of, memories that doesn't need to be forgotten but rather, accepted. If were to go back to high school, I wouldn't change a thing even if it will haunt me the rest of my life.

Decisions, why so hard?

Decision-making is always the hardest part in every college life. The moment I stepped on the walkways of the university, I felt that I was alone. Very much alone. The worst part was that I knew no one. No one to get second opinions from. It's quite unusual for me to decide on my own. I always get this trouble of deciding by myself, for the fear of actually blaming myself. You know that feeling, when you feel so dumb knowing that it was all your fault, having misfortunes one after the other, it makes me feel I'm so weak. But looking at the bright side, there's always space for the better.

FML, College.

You certainly FML.

I've got no time to write all about the good stuff yet I can stay up really late to type down how ASDF!@#!$@!$ every passing day becomes. Ironic. College sucks. Well, the adjustment part, it is. I miss my friends. It's not that I do not have friends in college. No, no. I've got a lot of them but it's really different when a person REALLY knows who and what you are. And these people are my highschool friends. They are awesome, the most awesome set of friends I could ever have! There is never a dull moment when I'm with them. I can act the way I wanted without having to think if what I'm doing is fine for them. I can say things, random things and we can talk hours about it. It's just endless. But don't get me wrong, I'm sooo alright with my block. Something's just really missing :( I can't explain. I just can't. You know those times when you feel like you can't really share some things because you're afraid they will judge you, those times when you and your newfound friend just can't say a thing and there's only an eerie silence between you? I can't ignore it. It's really different.

But what I hate the most is the academic pressure. Ugh. What I dread the most is being stressed because of a self-imposed pressure. I feel like there's a competition within me. I'm against myself. Part of me tells that I should be contented. While the other half says I must strive to go for the top. Have you ever felt the same? You want to get on top yet you're really lazy to get moving. Wait. I'm actually exerting an effort but, well, sometimes you can't always have things your way even if you put all my effort into it and maybe that's how it's gonna be. It's a big, big, big world anyway. Maybe I'll fit in somewhere, somewhere where I'll have my way. Maybe it's not in UST, maybe it's not here. I'll dream for what I can aspire, reach for what I can see and go for what I believe in.

So help me, God.