What a bad start.

I just sneaked in to get the internet working. I wasn't supposed to blog because I'm grounded but I can't help it...

I’m off for a bad start. I wish I did not celebrate my birthday. It is as if it was some sort of curse. My first day was bad. My second day as a fifteen-year-old was worse. I knew my instinct was right; the first day was a precursor. Now, I’m on my third day. If you’ve read my last post, it was about by not-so-biggie birthday. It was not bigtime. April 30. I checked my load balance, I still got 27php. I reckoned I’ll be saving it up until a day before it expires, which was 2 days away. That was a good way to make use of it. Later that, mama asked me if I still had some load. I responded with yes to which she asked if she could text someone, someone important. Since I was the kuripot-type, I said that I was saving it up for an unlitxt (all teenagers do that) and asked how many texts will she need. I think she became irritated that she called my older sister and asked her the same question to which she replied with an answer the same as mine. With that she burst out, angry. She began with a sermon. I reckon I remembered some of it’s highlights, “Dalawang piso na nga lang, ipagdadamot mo pa?! At sa nanay mo pa?!?!!....Mga madadamot kayo!....Kung dalawang piso nga ipinagdadamot mo pa, paano pa kaya pag may sariling kita ka na? Eh di malalaki na mga ulo nyo nyan?!...kung hindi importante ‘tong itetext ko, napatawag pa ako, napamahal pa ako!....Mula ngayon, walang gagamit ng laptop, walang makikitext sa selpon ko, walang mag-iinternet! Btw, the person she was to text who she is saying important was a woman renting our apartment. Mama was supposed to visit the apartment the day after. Anyways, we were grounded. Yeah! As in. Although I do find it shallow. The reason is really shallow, TWO PESOS WORTH OF LOAD?! Just because were on recession, we are fighting over a two-peso worth load? Demmet! Ang babaw talaga. Or maybe because she was annoyed the past few days, Globe keeps on snatching her load. I don’t know how to pick up something from this situation. Thus, the night was the start of some sort of a cold war. Walang pansinan but if needed, we’d talk, only that you’ll feel that you are talking to a stranger. Later that night, I was quite ashamed and guilty. Kaso naman, ang babaw talaga. I did not expect it to end up like.

May 1. We went to school. Although she’s angry at me, she still needs to tug me along as I’ll help carry school supplies. Unfortunately, we were too dumb to remember that it was Labor’s day. So, the school was closed. All along, I felt I was with a stranger. By noon, we were starting to warm up again. But with Globe snatching her load again, men! Sinigawan nya yung operator. But it was all Shanice’ fault. Probably she pushed a few buttons that subscribed the number to services that automatically reduces the load. By afternoon, she left again to go to the apartment. That same afternoon I was having frustrations about the Palm Pilot. Damn it! Everyone was occupied with their doings. Not until mama came back and up again with her sermons. GAWD~! I did not know she left us with chores to do.x| I was clueless. Once again, I was hearing her say things like, "...Wala man lamang nagawa kahit isa sa mga bilin ko!...” but she started to rewind time with, “...Mga kadamutan nyo!...Kung ganyan din kayo, wag na kayo magbigay sa Mother’s day!...Magtatanong-tanong pa kayo kung anong gusto ko! Pag may kelangan naman ako, hindi nyo mabigay!” It all meant one thing, she probably couldn’t get over the two-peso load. She made a big deal out of it! That made perfect sense to me. But what made my blood boil was this.

Mama: BLAH~! Sharmaine, ilagay mo nga yang mga puti sa basket! At maglalaba ako.Ako: *sunod naman* Ma, eto ba? (pointing to the clothes to confirm it)
Mama: ANO BA SA TINGIN MO? MAY ITIM BA DYAN? MAY IBA PANG DAMIT?!
Ako: *silently doing what was asked*
...
*Minutes later*
Mama: BA’T HINDI MO PINUNO NG TUBIG ‘TO?!? (pointing to the washing machine)
Ako: Eh wala naman po kayong sinabi eh (goes to fill the washing machine). Ang sabi nyo lang ay tanggalan ng tubig yung mga damit. Kung mag-uutos kayo STEP-BY-STEP dapat.
Mama: COMMON SENSE NA YAN! Sinabi ko na na maglalaba ako di ba? Dapat alam mo na yan! Nasaan ba yang utak mo ha?! Di mo gingamit yang utak na yan! Sasagot-sagot ka pa dyan! Ang lakas ng loob mo sumagot!

I can’t fathom how she defines common sense. I was just following what I was told. Eh paano kaya kung nilagyan ko ng tubig yun ‘tas ayaw nya pala, eh dim as lalo ako nasigawan nyan kase aksayado sa tubig. I spent my night reading A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks out of awkwardness. I wouldn’t like to be in the other room, with her. Tension might just build up there. When it was around 11:30pm, I cleaned the CR. I think my conscience told me to do that. It was the “right thing” to do. Weird. We crept into the other room at around 2, when everyone was asleep

May 2. Today. I decided to stick to this schedule: In the morning, I’ll sleep after I eat. In the afternoon, I’ll read novels & blog. In the evenings, I’ll study for college entrance exams. In the early morning, I’ll sneak to have some internet time. That will make the awkward feeling go away since it means being alone with myself in the other room.