It was inevitable and I am not invincible.

For such a long time, if more than two years is already long, I am waiting for that sign. I'm asking the one above to clear my mind, to help me decide. Day and night, I wished and prayed for that sign. During mass and evening prayers, it was always there. I even resorted to a wishing bone in which I always get the shorter bone. It means my wish will not come true. They said maybe my wish was only for myself. A selfish wish, I know, but it will give me the freedom I'm asking for. This is the problem I'm thinking of.

I've always liked my comfort zone. Thinking twice have always been a habit. I always ask and tell myself what if's and maybe's which became tiring. I find it hard to roll the dice and let fate decide. Playing safe was wrong, really wrong. I constantly relied on chance and have never seen choice as an option. If ever I'll take the risk, will there be a guarantee I'll win? I reckon so or maybe no.

Probably you are asking, what am I talking about? Career? Or maybe, although really far, love? It's the latter. Surprising? Yes. Even me, I'm surprised with the turn of events. Before, I told myself I'll be the Top 2! That I'll persevere. But in the long run, lethargy and negligence took over me. I can't keep up. I think that was called burned-out, being active in the first days then without actually knowing it, you're becoming passive. That's what happened. But worse, things such as love and emotions that I condemned and which I consider nonexistent began to arouse. But as I walk down the lane of memories, I recalled that it was that person the reason why I'm persevering, but then, nevermind. Actually, I kept those things in the bottom of my list of priorities. It will distract my enthusiasm to education. But it was inevitable and I am not invincible. I knew it but I was defenseless to a strong emotion called love. Who isn't anyway? Everyone's vulnerable, even me. I'm no superman. Oh, I forgot, even Clark Kent is not invincible to that. He's been through that. Although hard to admit, I do find love pleasing and fascinating that when I was struck by it, I can't do anything but conform to it. It's like a chocolate to me, once I've got a taste of it, I keep coming back and asking for it. And aversion seems impossible. It will never be possible when I (myself) am actually finding ways to have it. This is hard, it's like dieting. Limiting my food intakes is wearisome and so is keeping emotions from bursting. Besides, in this world, almost everything that feels right is wrong, as if the world itself is a big contradiction.

Last Sunday, I asked for it again, the same question. On a hot afternoon of May, a day after, I think I finally got an answer. While keeping myself busy eating Mais con yelo (LOL~! It's hot), I found this heart-shaped ice. Do you think this is the answer? Is this the sign I am looking for? I think it is, and I'll make a move in the right time. sorry for the low-image resolution. cam phones suck sometimes :)

Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying
...

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

Lucky - Jason Mraz