not feeling well.

My head hurts since yesterday and the day before yesterday. But today is the worst. I woke up feeling really sick, cold and my head is aching like hell. It's driving me nuts. Happy April Fool's Day to me. Blech! I can't eat our everyday breakfast of oatmeal. I don't feel like eating and I can't. But what's worse is that I needed to go to school. Maybe you were asking why should I? School's over, right? But well, I need to check over the printing of our school paper in the absence of our EIC. He gave me some instructions on how to check it and I promised to come over the next day. But guess what? I just broke my promise because of this freakin' headache. GAWD! I can't move that much. In my every move, I feel the intense pain in my head and I feel my eye twitching. In his absence and mine, I texted Ms. Malenab about his guidelines and instructions although me, myself, I really find it unethical. But what can I do? I have no choice. It's my health or my responsibilty.

For the past few months, I feel that I'm neglecting my responsibilities. At the gazette, I do pass my articles although most of it are late. I also did layout even if its only a few pages but I feel what I did was not enough. As an incoming EIC, I should have done more. I heard that there was this tradition that the next EIC could do all the collecting of the article and the layouting. But what did I do? I just did 1/4 of this job. I feel so irresponsible. And to think that we are only 3 possible incoming EICs, (minus 1 because she is not a writer, only writers are eligible to be EICs in our org) I took the title for granted. It made me guilty for some time. I don't even think that I have enough writing skills to have my articles on the gazette. I'm still working on it through this blog. I hope my leadership skills is enough to lead this big group of news writers. What else have I neglected? Oh, the varsity. Yes, I admit. This is the thing I took for granted the MOST. When I tried out for this, I was really not sure if I should be there. After the try-outs, I was doubting. I asked myself, "Should I back-out? Or should I just wait for the results?" I know deep inside that I'm also a beginner in that field of sport. I played it for years but I haven't played it in a REAL badminton court. HAHA! When I was told that I was accepted, I was shocked. So much for a beginner. I was hesitant. Can I juggle my studies with this? Plus there was the gazette and the class I am to lead. Months passed and the AAPS was about to take place. We were to be pulled-out for one whole week! The tournament made me a third placer and in our vocabulary, our classroom's vocabulary, it means LOSER. It made me bitter for weeks and months. If they just knew the feeling, I'd like to kick their butts to make them feel the very same thing. What's worse is that I don't know anything about our lessons, not even a single thing. I failed every quiz we had in Chemistry. I was in the brink of crying in the realization that my academic standing and even my social life was deteriorating. My responsiblity meant fewer bonding moments and luxury time. I really hate that 2nd quarter. Damn it! Even the teachers, Ms. Vergara specifically had me talking about what's happening to me. She said I was always tulala and seems to be not in my normal self. Another thing I took for granted was presidency. In the back of my mind, I thought that they elected me not because of leadership but rather because they could control me. My election to position was a real surprise. I am a writer, not a leader. It never crossed my mind that I could me a writer and a leader all at the same time. And my election to presidency made me doubt if I could lead 52 students. Our winnings in competitions was never because of me, I know that. I give my thanks to those who shared their leadership for the class. I appreciated it a lot.

Right now, I'm feeling much better than this morning. Good for me. haha!